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Fights one (1) war
by /u/cavemanthewise | 107 comments | 2026-06-17T01:25:36+00:00 Central
Comments
| /u/dirtyasseating Who actually thought he would be successful? After 3 failed marriages, I think we all knew he didn't have what it takes to commit to this war. |
| /u/clamb2 Iran has oil, not alcohol. It was lost before it started |
| /u/Raammson By that logic the Cuban Rum wars should be trivial and resolved in a couple hours. |
| /u/2stinkynugget I read this in Hunter Thompson's voice |
| /u/The_Three_Meow-igos I read this in Elmer Fudd's voice. |
| /u/HarambeWest2020 Hunter Biden's voice* |
| /u/gpkgpk Are you crazy invoking HB's name? Mofo is gonna show up and murder you with words. |
| /u/HarambeWest2020 https://giphy.com/gifs/26n7937SwZkal2Oju |
| /u/painthawg_goose I read this in Capt'n Jack Sparrow's voice. |
| /u/big3148 https://giphy.com/gifs/76dX1wy9elm0g |
| /u/Fr05t_B1t Some drunk dude hegseth knows while both drunk: "...ok ok so I had some jagerbombs then the police comes. And you won't believe I did...I RAN!!!!!!" *dunk laughter* Hegseth: "whadu say? Jager...bombs...I...ran? Bombs...Iran? Duuuuuude." |
| /u/MrFluffyThing I wasn't here for oil. I was here for gas. Well I don't know if you can smell the air around you but I smell nothing but gas! I wanna smell that gas with all 50 of my nostrils, and by nostrils I mean every smelly place of the United States. Those stars are for freedom and that's freedom from gas shortages, because the USA is one tight gas hike sniffing country. pump the gas kegseth |
| /u/Solo_Jones Maybe if they shipped oil in kegs and not barrels, he would have done better? |
| /u/silverblaze92 There was no goal beyond market manipulation and distracting from the Epstein files... So I guess we did win? |
| /u/tezacer He won a respite for a little while. The survivors aren't giving up. Hear about the German family that found out her missing daughter was in the files? |
| /u/say592 I haven't. In the files in what way? Like talking about her or someone sharing a news article? Because one is a nothing burger and the other is holy shit. |
| /u/tezacer A Missing Woman from Germany Reappears in the Epstein Files |
| /u/Choppers-Top-Hat There are plenty of ways to distract from the Epstein files without starting a war. This was a classic Trump failure. |
| /u/loganbootjak you know they all 100% thought that flexing and kicking out fattie generals would terrify the world because now the US military meant business! can you imagine the circle jerks these dumb fucks had in the months leading up to the Operation Freedom.. or whatever lame ass name they gave it |
| /u/Kizik They literally called the unprovoked attack of another nation "Operation Epic Fury", because they're a bunch of overgrown frat boys with no actual sense of what they're involved in going off vibes and self-interest. Purely superficial showmanship at the most shallow and artificial level making threats and promises that sound flashy but have no actual basis in reality. |
| /u/GreenRock93 True story: I once named an exercise I planned "Nanophytoplankton Fury" specifically so it would be hard to fit on performance reports. |
| /u/Pragmatist_Hammer Yes, but internally it was named Operation Epstein Fury. |
| /u/SunkEmuFlock You mean externally. Because that's what everyone who could see through the charade called it. |
| /u/Kizik If that were true, I would not even be remotely shocked. |
| /u/Cargobiker530 They fired the most competent generals and kept the toadies and yes men. Unlike Stalin, Kegsbreath couldn't retreat to Moscow and wait for winter. |
| /u/Altomah Operation thunder cock where they made sick call of duty memes about the war they started and quickly lost |
| /u/UmbraIndagator Make Love not War and he can't do either apparently. |
| /u/Erick3211 Are we talking about Hegseth or Trump? |
| /u/dirtyasseating It gets so confusing around the White-Trash-House, what with half the property demolished, the fist fights on the lawn, and the European Hookers wandering around, claiming to be the 1st Lady. |
| /u/egarcia74 Departments of Reparations |
| /u/Imapatriothurrrdurrr Department of reparations. |
| /u/0o0o0o0o0o0z After 3 failed marriages, I think we all knew he didn't have what it takes to commit to this war. Guy can't even pass selection PT, but thinks he is an operator... <SURE-JAN.GIF> I got exactly what I expected... Minus not enough good men stood up to this shit. |
| /u/JustAnotherHyrum Whether it's women or Iran, we all expect him to pull out before the job's done. |
| /u/readyjack Can you imagine if your mom wrote this to you in a letter, like Hegseth's mom wrote to him? "On behalf of all the women (and I know it's many) you have abused in some way, I say ... get some help and take an honest look at yourself..." "I have no respect for any man that belittles, lies, cheats, sleeps around and uses women for his own power and ego. You are that man (and have been for years) and as your mother, it pains me and embarrasses me to say that, but it is the sad, sad truth." |
| /u/LaSage Trump certainly didn't. He makes a point of hiring the least qualified people for very important jobs. Trump is not working on behalf of the US. His goal is for his people to fail the American people miserably. It is how he serves his masters. |
| /u/Mike_Kermin I mean, not to brag, but if I had the resources of the US, I think I could win it. I mean, lets be clear, I've played Hearts of Iron. |
| /u/adorablefuzzykitten Did you see this guy try to lift? He filmed himself with his kid with fake weights and then again in Getmo and could not even get a fraction of that weight back on the rack. He is a fake. |
| /u/PraetorianSausage You mean it takes more than gender-affirming macho posturing to win a war? |
| /u/Cerpla even his sons see him as a failure. the body language is evident. you can see them smirking and giving him the side-eye at the Easter event. |
| /u/Viperlite He thought he could just take it without consent. |
| /u/revbfc Trump did. His belief was that his will alone was enough to achieve victory. Sure, that's been proven wrong numerous times, but never so spectacularly. |
| /u/jpric155 I've seen this guy's legs with shorts on. He is a clown. |
| /u/Big_Ole_Booty_Boy He didn't name it the department of winning war |
| /u/AnySwimming6364 Hey, hey, hey. They totally "won". Let's have a quick timeline. (big /s warning here) 2025 - US and Israel attack Iran unprovoked and "destroy" their entire nuclear capabilities for decades. 2026 - Iran's nuclear capabilities are an "imminent" security threat. The US and Israel launch (totally super well thought out) strikes and "totally destroy" Iran's military. They also achieved a "regime change", by killing their 86 year-old leader and having him replaced by his son. Then Iran, the lunatics, decide to start attacking ships in the Strait of Hormuz. How unreasonable?! The Straight is functionally closed and the global economy shuddered. So the US keeps attacking and blowing stuff up. And the Straight stays closed. So the US, obviously, sets up their own blockade. That one is fair and totally effective. So, Iran, desperate, comes to the table and the US gets the best deal ever. Straight will stay open, maybe with our without tolls or service charges. Iran will (at some unclear point in the future) follow some rules about nuclear development, not described in the deal. THUS TOTALLY ENSURING THEY NEVER DEVELOP A BOMB The US will open up tens of billions of frozen assets and sanctions relief. US-allied GCC states will develop a privately-funded $300 billion reconstruction fund for the region, mostly to rebuild Iran. Clearly the best deal, ever, ever, EVER. And you're a traitor if you disagree. Most importantly, despite it causing incredible global economic harm, on the hype of the peace deal and AI stocks, the stock market hits a new all-time high and, more importantly, we're not talking about Epstein anymore. |
| /u/Mr-Lungu Well, don't forget all of this was to replace a deal that unfroze $1.7b of Iran's money and no nuclear weapons and inspection powers. This new deal is way better. |
| /u/SirDale "Strait" not straight. |
| /u/AnySwimming6364 Damn I got it right once and fucked it after that. |
| /u/YerTime I think you did great 👍 |
| /u/OverEasyGoing Also, *shuttered not shuddered but everything else 🤌🏻 |
| /u/MyPasswordIsMyCat Should be the Department of Burning Tax Dollars |
| /u/GachaHell I propose "Department of Surrender" |
| /u/genreprank The Department of Losers |
| /u/KingfishingYoMama Really, we missed out on the chance to have Charlie Sheen at the helm of our military. |
| /u/roararoarus Hegseth is a stupid dandy. The guy installed a makeup room at the Pentagon. How could he not lose when things got serious? He's a cosplayer |
| /u/CV90_120 Aesthetics is one of those things fascists get all hot for. That and sweaty men grappling in a ring. |
| /u/halpsdiy I bet he's more embarrassed about the video of him failing to lift with the marines than actually losing this war. |
| /u/SatansLoLHelper I dislike your usage of dandy here. He is no macoroni. I had to double check my disliking. Synonyms for DANDY: excellent, wonderful, great, lovely, terrific, fine, superb, awesome; Antonyms of DANDY: poor, terrible, awful, lousy, pathetic, He is by definition not a dandy, but he is the opposite. |
| /u/Im_Your_Turbo_Lover The noun dandy means an effete man worried about looking good |
| /u/TjW0569 I'd put it as a man overly concerned about his appearance. |
| /u/Dry_Ass_P-word >>Renames it department of war. >>Too chicken to call it a war so it's an "excursion" |
| /u/Gordo3070 Department of Excursions? |
| /u/Cargobiker530 Department of Hostile Letters. |
| /u/Dry_Ass_P-word Department of 95% done with a dea-whoops! launched more bombs, start all over. |
| /u/Kizik May as well be the Ministry of Silly Walks at this point. |
| /u/ExtensionAddition787 Department of Incompetence Edit: TBF he does have a lot of competition from other departments for that title though... |
| /u/iANDR0ID (D)epartment (W)ith (I)ncompetence |
| /u/EudaimonicAttempt Couple days ago Obama said (paraphrasing from memory) : "I don't think he could make a much better deal, nor a very different one" Turns out it was different and worse |
| /u/CV90_120 Checkmate, atheists. |
| /u/Ritaredditonce Operation Epic Fuck up. |
| /u/PrudentExtension Operation What's Epstein? |
| /u/prodigy1367 You're telling me the guy that used to host Fox News on the weekends isn't a genius military strategist and actually makes for a super shitty Secretary of Defense? https://giphy.com/gifs/bGPTxLislwm3u |
| /u/Werespider Department of Losers |
| /u/fstop101 *applicable only to those brought in for the current admin - most of the DoD is full of dedicated workers who do not fit that bill. |
| /u/BringBackTheBeat716 https://preview.redd.it/5l1pg1u14r7h1.png?width=621&form at=png&auto=webp&s=188795cbe5048a51f89640c31d9ba5f2cb579 040 |
| /u/Hobbes604 That's why it's not the Department of Wars |
| /u/Mo_Jack The Department of Surrender |
| /u/AustinRatBuster did you want him to continue the war? plaese |
| /u/suckercuck The Department of Dork |
| /u/goryblasphemy LoL its great to see this Kakistocracy fails at everything. |
| /u/N4RQ But his eyebrows remain at Defcon 1. |
| /u/Myko475 lol 😂 he will need that vanity table now more than ever. |
| /u/fastfurlong Pete Hegseth is an utter catastrophe in his service to Donald Trump. The Trump administration has failed cataclysmically in IRAN. Donal Trump failed. America pays the price. Simple |
| /u/oskar_grouch It's because of the woke. It just means Pistol Pete has work to do 😠💪🇺🇲 |
| /u/coolbaby1978 Losers lose. It's why everything Trump touches fails. Because he is a loser who surrounds himself with losers. I can't say I would have expected a win from a former weekend co-host of a Fox News show. |
| /u/Prin_StropInAh Fucking loser Kegsbreath |
| /u/d_Composer Department of Retreat |
| /u/AustinRatBuster did you want him to keep going or what? |
| /u/LYL_Homer Department of Losing Wars |
| /u/SouthwesternEagle The Department of Inconvenience |
| /u/mkfandpj Thank you for the good belly laugh!!! |
| /u/excellent_rektangle After seeing him work out, it's no wonder he can't win a fight |
| /u/HauntingMemory7183 Should be called 'The Department of Sucking Irans Dick' |
| /u/urbanek2525 Yeah. He fought the war. He didn't do shit! He failed to plan in any way, did everything by the seat of his pants and killed and wounded dozens of American service members and thousands of civilians. He's a nobody who is abusing every member of the American Armed Services who joined the service to defend our country. War is NOT some sort of frat party. It's not a slogan. |
| /u/CV90_120 Every successful general ever: "Planning is everything". Hegseth: "Leeeeroooooy Jenkins!" |
| /u/SlackerX https://preview.redd.it/hscmyhrovs7h1.jpeg?width=1290&fo rmat=pjpg&auto=webp&s=6e56b1e210d59e0925e0327647e214cbc0 34e464 |
| /u/Anyawnomous Department of Losers? |
| /u/aotus_trivirgatus He hasn't lost nearly enough. |
| /u/Traditional-Look8839 Losers that celebrate other losers. |
| /u/ru_k1nd The new Bad Luck Brian meme is looking good! |
| /u/VitruvianVan What an absolute loser. |
| /u/TehWildMan_ Department of losers* |
| /u/OblongAndKneeless Come on. Give him a break. He just loves war. It doesn't matter if you win or lose. It's just if you get to blow stuff up, and he got to blow stuff up and lift weights with someone. |
| /u/OblongAndKneeless Why does he always look confused. It's such a tell, you'd think he'd try to hide it. |
| /u/lew_rong He's probably still trying to work out how to run vines properly after that humiliating video. |
| /u/Deatheturtle Considering their entire plan was 'holy f*** we're awesome!!!!!" this is hardly surprising. |
| /u/RicardoCabezass https://preview.redd.it/o4vqnvnv5r7h1.jpeg?width=741&for mat=pjpg&auto=webp&s=445e25bc79cde1dad8a4e35746c1a001319 333df |
| /u/Competitive_Watch986 He successfully acted tough and acted as if he won the war. |